Mind Your Manners, Wash Your Hands, Don't Pee On Me.

Beans is starting to realize when she farts and burps. She also has learned to say "CUE-Z MEEEE" (Excuse Me)... talk about cute. I laugh every time. The laughing however leads to her fake burping just so she can say it. Last night for five minutes we went back and forth fake burping and saying "cuez meeee." At one point I thought she was going to throw up because she was trying so hard to make the EECCKKK sound. I love her.

She is also really good at sharing. I mean, she did give me her pink eye.

This morning she disregarded all her manners and sharing and peed on me. I was dressed and ready for work. I was wearing my favorite capris. I was not happy. I started spouting off at the mouth while I went upstairs. I threw my pants into the laundry basket really hard (not sure what that was going to solve) and said a few (read: a hundred) swear words. Good parenting.

Ew.

I have pink eye. It looks so sexy too. I am pretty sure my husband won't be able to keep his hands off me. Is there anything hotter than looking like you got punched in the face, then you started smoking weed for the rest of the day? Its awesome, really friggen awesome. I hope it doesn't spread..I can only wear one eye patch at a time, I sort of need at least one eye to see with.

*I don't really wear an eye patch, I'm not a pirate.

She's back.

Bean must be feeling like herself again. She has been waking up several times at night and getting up around 5:00am.

That's my girl...

Prayers Please

If you are the praying kind, please send some love up for my Friend today. She is having an IUI as we speak. Pray the spermies implant and that she gets pregnant with the most beautiful baby ever :) Thanks!!

Adventure at Big Lots

Oooooh Hannah Montana phones!!



I'll take three!!



What do you mean no? Look at this face!?!



I somehow managed to leave the store with no phones. I would have agreed to one phone purchase, but she dropped it before we got to the register and I put it up on a shelf and kept on steppin!

Knock Knock...

Who's there you're wondering? The freeken Jehovah's! I couldn't even hide when I heard a car pull up, the dog was barking and Beans was crying due to a foot vs. pointy block incident. So I hear the knock, I am hoping that it isn't them..even though I know it is because who the heck else would it be? I open the door to see my *friend*..the same guy every time. He knows my name, knows the husbands name, knows Bean's name... isn't he right on top of that?!? I'm always too nice to rush them out, I just can't be rude or mean. So I listen to their schpeal. Same thing every time pretty much, only now that we are on a first name basis I get to do the whole small talk thing. Greeeaaat. So here we are, me in the doorway, holding Beans and he is going on and on and reciting scripture and blah blah blah. I get it dude, you love God. You love Him so much that you drive around town paying $4+ a gallon for gas to spread the good Word. I get it. I love Him too, I've told you this, you aren't converting me, I'm already on your side. I don't say this of course because well, I don't say anything. Socially, I am an idiot, a shy lame terd of a person. I just nod, try to make eye contact and say "uh huh" when he asks a rhetorical question (which is like every 5 words). I'd like to chat, really, I'd love to give my opinions but I just can't. I'm too shy. I'd like to tell them to call ahead of time and let me have a few drinks first, I'd be much more entertaining and maybe even invite them to sit at the table... but I doubt they do that kind of thing. I can talk to anyone when I have a buzz... straight however is another story. I am just terrible at it. I don't do strangers, I don't make friends and I probably come across as a bitch because heaven forbid I strike up a conversation with someone. Yeah I'm lame.
Anyway..back to the Jehovah's! They are going on and on and Beans now decides that since the door is open, she gets to go outside. So she proceeds to say "shoes" over and over and over the ENTIRE time they are there. He is trying to explain stuff but all you hear is "CHEWS!" (her version of shoes)...and I mean she doesn't stop. Even after they leave she is pointing at the shelf (I have to keep them high up so she doesn't think she can go out if she puts them on herself) and saying "chews chews cheeeeeeeews!!!!" and cries, hard, for what feels like an hour but was prolly more like 2 minutes. Blah!! So now when she gets up from her nap I'll probably have to hear about it again. Freeken Jehovah's!

Sick Again!

Beanie Weenie was sick again on Friday. This is twice in less than a month that she's had the pukes. What the hell? I thought that was sort of a yearly thing? Apparently not. Germy little bastard.

It started on Friday around 7:00pm. Earlier in the day we went to the beach for some Mama/Daughter bonding. (The pics are awesome by the way, I'll post them this week maybe) She loved it. Absolutely had a ball, and only tried to drown herself once, yay! She loved the water, loved the sand, loved it all. She didn't even whine when it was time to go home..I should have known the day was too good to be true.

I get home, my husband comes home a few minutes later and stays with Bean while I go to my nieces last softball game. As I am leaving her game (they won, in case you care), the phone rings. Its my husband. Bean barfed. I rush home. There is barf in the living room, in the kitchen, in the sink, in the tub, in her bed and on the floors...it looks like a frat house on a Saturday morning. Only there was no keg at my place, otherwise you can bet I would have started drinking. It was horrible! We had to let her sleep with us as she was up constantly either puking or dry heaving. This went on the entire night. By Saturday morning I had slept maybe 2 hours.

My husband left the house for softball around 5:30am. He offered to stay home but I figured he might as well get out of the house, no use in us both being miserable. Normally I'm spiteful and would have begged for him to stay..but since she hadn't puked I figured I would be okay. Boy was I wrong. She didn't puke but rather turned into the biggest brat you've ever seen (okay, not the biggest, I've met worse, but she was BAD man, real bad!) so yeah, Saturday sucked giant balls. I will elaborate on her brattyness another day. I need some lunch and I'm guessing she won't nap long today.

Life is so Rough...

She looks sad and pissy huh? Yeah, it was a rough morning. She got up at her convenience around 6:00 (way to freeken early if you ask me), she has her milk, she is dressed, her favorite show is on, and yet, still mad.

This was from yesterday. I can't even remember what pissed her off. I'm guessing it was right after Daddy left. She is such a Daddy's girl, its ridiculous. I'll have to start working on some posts to illustrate it, its seriously crazy. She cries every morning when he goes to work, or if he's brushing his teeth and not paying complete attention to her. She knows when he is home by the sound of his truck pulling up, she runs to the window and then to the door..you get the idea. Enough about Super Dad...let's just look at her sad face and pretend she is just so in love with me she can't fight back the tears :)

Public Service Announcement

Because I love my readers (all 3 of you) I want to share some very important information.

It is more cost effective to buy 2, 4 piece chicken nuggets at McDonalds, than to buy a 6 piece. A 6 piece will run you around $2.65 (ish) and you can get a 4 piece on the dollar menu. Therefore, getting 2, 4 piece nuggets will save you money, AND you get a 2 nugget bonus.

I heard about this from a friend, obviously, because I would never subject my body to deep fried processed chicken, and I would never ::ahem:: give it to my toddler. Obviously.

Bi-Lingual Already?

Do we have any bi-lingual readers in the crowd? If so, could somebody please tell me what, "deedle bada beee deeeedeeee ba ba beee!!!" means?? Bean has been saying it over and over for about 15 minutes now. She looks me right in the eyes and repeats it over and over..sometimes she is singing it. I don't know what it means but I am fairly certain she means business.

So far it doesn't mean "I want more Teddy Grahams" or "Put on Barney bitch!" or "Give me milk"... I am out of ideas.

Barnsicle

I recently switched Beans TV time from Disney Channel to PBS. There are a few reasons, the main being that I have seen every episode of every show on Playhouse Disney (how is that even possible..I've only been a mom for 18 months!).. and also because when she watches PBS I fool myself into thinking she is getting smarter.
After about two weeks it is apparent that she is a huge fan of Barney. I suppose its better than her fascination of Bob Bob (Spongebob) but not nearly as entertaining. Bob Bob makes me laugh, Barney makes me want choke someone. It isn't even Barney that I have a problem with..its his "friends." Baby Bop is the biggest BRAT! She just whines on every episode and is a serious pain in the ass. If I wanted to hear whining, I'd turn of the TV and listen to Beans. BJ, the yellow bastard is okay..but the way he calls Baby Bop "Sissy" bugs me. And Rif..well he is new.. new to me anyway, and I hate him too. His voice is annoying and he thinks he is some fantastic inventor or something. Really lame!
I remember the old school Barney. Just him and some kids singing and dancing, yeah it got annoying, but not like this. Now there is this whole huge dialog and lessons and junk. I don't need that, just sing and dance and entertain my kid while I make a cup of coffee and check my email, mmmk?

I do have to say though.. I think part of my Barney issues stems from the fact that we have only 6 episodes recorded and I've seen them each like a dozen times. I need some new material..luckily I have it set to tape the show each day. Not sure if this will be a good or bad thing. If its bad, you'll be miserable with me, because I'll blog about it. You're welcome.