Muffin Top

Ever wonder how to put on 4 pounds in 2-3 days? Let me teach you.

Start with pizza on a Thursday night. Eat it really late, so late that you go to bed immediatly after eating more than your fair share of the pie.

Wake up on Friday morning and eat breakfast, then eat your daughters breakfast.

Go to Friendly's. Get a Honey BBQ Supermelt. Eat the entire sandwich, fries, and then eat your daughters hot dog and mac and cheese that she isn't touching.

Follow up your lunch with a Butterfinger Ice Cream Sundae.

You will start to feel sick to your stomach. Do not let that stop you from eating dinner. Do not start taking it easy and absolutely do NOT count calories!

Eat a hot dog, macaroni salad, pasta salad and about 1,452 chips and dip. When your stomach feels like its going to pop open, take a tums and keep on truckin. Eat a few more chips, I mean, you wouldn't want them to go to waste.

Drink a lot of beer, or any high calorie beverage of your choice.

Saturday Morning, go to breakfast. Eat eggs, sausage, toast (with Jam of course), home fries and a drink.

For lunch eat a slice of pizza (or 2...) and start drinking beer.

That should just about do it. You can of course continue this eating pattern for the remainder of your weekend, but it isn't necessary. The four pounds should be there.

If you are an overachiever like myself you can keep going. Have a frozen Chicken Pot Pie for dinner on Saturday night. That is a quick (and tasty) 1,000 calories. Wake up on Sunday, eat a heavy breakfast, drink lots of calories and have sloppy joes for dinner...with fries.